Right around this time in our lives, if things had gone just a little bit different with Anakin, he would be here right now. There is a lovely, joyful, exhausting chaos that we are missing.
It is a weird feeling to be thankful that there isn't even the least bit more chaos to add to our family of 13, and at the same time mourn the loss of it.
There are moments when I truly don't think about loosing him. And then there are times when it hits me and hurts so badly, I just want to curl up in a ball and scream and cry for a few hours. Time constraints prevent me from the latter, and that is a good thing.
I see my children interact with the little baby that our neighbor houseparents have (she is just now getting to the size that Aidan and Alora were at birth: 6lbs 6oz). It is so heartwarming to see my girls cuddle her in their arms and rock her and look down into her tiny face with love. It is easy to look at that bundle of pink and imagine her a bundle of blue...the little brother that was so loved and wanted.
Anakin Timothy, you are missed and loved and in our hearts forever. I cherish the thought of meeting you again one day and getting to know the you that we only barely glimpsed in this life but will be with forever in the next.
It is a weird feeling to be thankful that there isn't even the least bit more chaos to add to our family of 13, and at the same time mourn the loss of it.
There are moments when I truly don't think about loosing him. And then there are times when it hits me and hurts so badly, I just want to curl up in a ball and scream and cry for a few hours. Time constraints prevent me from the latter, and that is a good thing.
I see my children interact with the little baby that our neighbor houseparents have (she is just now getting to the size that Aidan and Alora were at birth: 6lbs 6oz). It is so heartwarming to see my girls cuddle her in their arms and rock her and look down into her tiny face with love. It is easy to look at that bundle of pink and imagine her a bundle of blue...the little brother that was so loved and wanted.
Anakin Timothy, you are missed and loved and in our hearts forever. I cherish the thought of meeting you again one day and getting to know the you that we only barely glimpsed in this life but will be with forever in the next.
2 Comments:
I'm sorry for the sorrow you feel over your loss.
I cannot begin to imagine the pain that you must still be feeling. I pray for you to continue coping with your loss and hope God blesses you with exactly what you need, whatever that may be.
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