I've been having a rough couple of days. It has been a struggle on many fronts and I am being stretched and pulled in so many ways right now. While in some respects being at this crucial place is nice in that it is a time to stand still and wait on God to reveal to me the steps that I need to take, it is hard to hear His voice clearly over my own voice and those of others.
I have always just been so envious of others who claim that they know for sure what God wants of them. They are faced with a decision with neither choice being one that is just "wrong" and yet they somehow come to a choice with a certainty of God's calling. It just seems to me that the only times in my life when I know for sure what God wants is when one of my choices is to continue or head towards sin. That makes it so easy...at least the knowing of which choice to pick....not necessarily the knowing how to pick it.
Right now, there just seem to be way too many options. I feel like some of them are tiny decisions that shouldn't affect much of anything, but in the overall picture, there are just so many repercussions, and I don't know that I am willing and ready to cause those changes to begin. So, we are at a stalemate. And maybe that is exactly what God is wanting. For us to stand and listen and see what is going on right now, see where and how He is moving in our lives and where He is calling us to follow. The trouble comes in from outside sources. There are decisions that we would love to wait to make, make sure of them in order to make sure we are taking in all the small details and making sure that our future plans are not hampered by a hasty decision, but we are feeling tremendous pressure to make these choices, and it puts a terrible weight on them.
I don't think I have ever been in a place of such unrest before. On some levels there is a great peace in that I see God's hand moving, but on the others, there are so many ways that we could mess it up...or at least that is how it looks from this angle. And one of the toughest parts is that, on so many levels there is an unrest, choices to be made, bridges to cross, that from the outside look totally unrelated, but, when glimpsed closer all intertwine and intermingle, so in choosing just any right decision for one, it could make a right decision in another area impossible. The giant puzzle of choices is weighing heavy on our hearts and in our minds and is causing lots of stress.
No matter how bleak all that sounds, there are some great things in our lives right now. We are looking at changes that will ultimately make for a stronger and happier family life for us, and a stronger spirituality in our home life, leading us closer to God as individuals and as a family. There is cause for rejoicing in that.
I am thankful to God for all the good in our lives, for having each other and our beautiful children and that this time of unrest in our lives hasn't moved into that inner place. It seems that all other aspects, our friends, our family, our jobs and home and church and finances are all up in the air, waiting for a place to land, but our inner core is safe and secure. No matter the decisions, I know that God can work them together for good, and that gives me the most hope, that our feeble selves, even if we don't do it all just right (if that is even possible), will still be loved and cared for and held to the bosom of our merciful God. He will cradle us and comfort us, even if we mess it all up. And anyone that may be hurt by choices that we make....and more than likely someone will be hurt in one way or another, can call on the same God who is comforting us in the pain of hurting those we love, to comfort them too.
We have food and clothing and shelter and Adam and I have each other to hold one another up. Now might be one of those times that we have to hold onto one another closer than we ever have before. Wrapping our arms around our children to protect them and make decisions for them and us that will affect us all for the rest of our lives, as all decisions do. May the Lord give us the courage and faith and hope and love and wisdom to do so in the way He leads us, and may He remind us constantly that all of this is temporary and the goal is eternal. Thank God for that!
I have always just been so envious of others who claim that they know for sure what God wants of them. They are faced with a decision with neither choice being one that is just "wrong" and yet they somehow come to a choice with a certainty of God's calling. It just seems to me that the only times in my life when I know for sure what God wants is when one of my choices is to continue or head towards sin. That makes it so easy...at least the knowing of which choice to pick....not necessarily the knowing how to pick it.
Right now, there just seem to be way too many options. I feel like some of them are tiny decisions that shouldn't affect much of anything, but in the overall picture, there are just so many repercussions, and I don't know that I am willing and ready to cause those changes to begin. So, we are at a stalemate. And maybe that is exactly what God is wanting. For us to stand and listen and see what is going on right now, see where and how He is moving in our lives and where He is calling us to follow. The trouble comes in from outside sources. There are decisions that we would love to wait to make, make sure of them in order to make sure we are taking in all the small details and making sure that our future plans are not hampered by a hasty decision, but we are feeling tremendous pressure to make these choices, and it puts a terrible weight on them.
I don't think I have ever been in a place of such unrest before. On some levels there is a great peace in that I see God's hand moving, but on the others, there are so many ways that we could mess it up...or at least that is how it looks from this angle. And one of the toughest parts is that, on so many levels there is an unrest, choices to be made, bridges to cross, that from the outside look totally unrelated, but, when glimpsed closer all intertwine and intermingle, so in choosing just any right decision for one, it could make a right decision in another area impossible. The giant puzzle of choices is weighing heavy on our hearts and in our minds and is causing lots of stress.
No matter how bleak all that sounds, there are some great things in our lives right now. We are looking at changes that will ultimately make for a stronger and happier family life for us, and a stronger spirituality in our home life, leading us closer to God as individuals and as a family. There is cause for rejoicing in that.
I am thankful to God for all the good in our lives, for having each other and our beautiful children and that this time of unrest in our lives hasn't moved into that inner place. It seems that all other aspects, our friends, our family, our jobs and home and church and finances are all up in the air, waiting for a place to land, but our inner core is safe and secure. No matter the decisions, I know that God can work them together for good, and that gives me the most hope, that our feeble selves, even if we don't do it all just right (if that is even possible), will still be loved and cared for and held to the bosom of our merciful God. He will cradle us and comfort us, even if we mess it all up. And anyone that may be hurt by choices that we make....and more than likely someone will be hurt in one way or another, can call on the same God who is comforting us in the pain of hurting those we love, to comfort them too.
We have food and clothing and shelter and Adam and I have each other to hold one another up. Now might be one of those times that we have to hold onto one another closer than we ever have before. Wrapping our arms around our children to protect them and make decisions for them and us that will affect us all for the rest of our lives, as all decisions do. May the Lord give us the courage and faith and hope and love and wisdom to do so in the way He leads us, and may He remind us constantly that all of this is temporary and the goal is eternal. Thank God for that!
1 Comments:
Sounds like some heavy thinking going on in the Cooper household right now. You know you can call us to talk if you need to. or email. or blog. whatever. or all of them. You'll catch me somehow! (((((hugs))))
Post a Comment
<< Home