Saturday morning cartoons were so cool when I was little. They just aren't the same any more and they have ruined my "adulthood". Now all my childhood dreams of waking at daybreak to watch every last minute of the Smurfs, My Little Pony, and Care Bears are dashed to smithereens....I mean, who really wants to get up early to watch Lilo and Stitch or the Proud Family on ABC?
I used to think that when I was grown my life would be just like I wanted it and I would never do things that I didn't want to do...it would be just like I had dreamed it. Every time my mother would get on to me about something that I had done to break the rules, then I would think...I will never have my children do chores, or yell at them, or spank them, or ever be mad at them or disappointed in them. Every time that there was some function that I wanted to attend, or have my mother attend and that old enemy "work" would dash my dreams, I would think...never will that happen to me. I also used to not understand why my birthday and my siblings' birthdays were really special days (even if we had to go to school that day) and my mother's birthday was not a "big party" every year. "I will have a huge blowout every year to celebrate ME!" And let's not start on the grocery store...the buggy would always be full of candy and ice cream and cake and all the things that a kid lives on...or dreams of living on.
But, I have grown up some, and realize that all my best intentions when I was little are smirking at me. My children are asked to do chores, they are disciplined, they disappoint me sometimes. I can't do "only what I really want to do", there is a house to clean every day--toilets too, diapers to change, dinner to prepare, and lots of other mundane things that I would rather not do on a daily basis. And there are always times when I wish that time and energy were not an issue so that we could go to the beach more often or so that Adam could go on all the trips to the zoo or up to my parents' house with us. And, alas, green beans, tomatoes, carrots, and such end up in my buggy way more than chips and coke and popcorn (to the great disappointment of my husband and children).
I was reading a friend's blog and he was talking about how he didn't feel like he was living the same kind of life his friends are living. Like he hasn't grown up yet (my words not his). And it resonated deep within me. I don't quite feel all grown up. I look around at my life and feel like I am still young and am not quite sure what I am doing with 3 kids to raise and a husband! Whoa! Hold up! What happened to the dream life where it is all fun and games, cartoons, and happiness all the time? When is there going to be someone bigger than me to pick up the pieces of the life that I am not so sure I won't drop and break into a million pieces.
When do I start to feel confidant and secure and feel like I can share some advice with another adult and feel like they are my equal and not far superior to me and "what in the world would I have to say that they don't know already?" When can I think about things like life insurance or household repairs and think that I am doing what I should be doing. Not feel like somehow someone has dropped me into this life....I am not quite ready to do it...not quite sure that I can get it right.
Do all adults end their lives feeling like they are living at super speed. Like they aren't through with the last stage before the next comes rumbling by? I know that for me at least, I hope to at least end my life in some sort of "adultish" state.
I used to think that when I was grown my life would be just like I wanted it and I would never do things that I didn't want to do...it would be just like I had dreamed it. Every time my mother would get on to me about something that I had done to break the rules, then I would think...I will never have my children do chores, or yell at them, or spank them, or ever be mad at them or disappointed in them. Every time that there was some function that I wanted to attend, or have my mother attend and that old enemy "work" would dash my dreams, I would think...never will that happen to me. I also used to not understand why my birthday and my siblings' birthdays were really special days (even if we had to go to school that day) and my mother's birthday was not a "big party" every year. "I will have a huge blowout every year to celebrate ME!" And let's not start on the grocery store...the buggy would always be full of candy and ice cream and cake and all the things that a kid lives on...or dreams of living on.
But, I have grown up some, and realize that all my best intentions when I was little are smirking at me. My children are asked to do chores, they are disciplined, they disappoint me sometimes. I can't do "only what I really want to do", there is a house to clean every day--toilets too, diapers to change, dinner to prepare, and lots of other mundane things that I would rather not do on a daily basis. And there are always times when I wish that time and energy were not an issue so that we could go to the beach more often or so that Adam could go on all the trips to the zoo or up to my parents' house with us. And, alas, green beans, tomatoes, carrots, and such end up in my buggy way more than chips and coke and popcorn (to the great disappointment of my husband and children).
I was reading a friend's blog and he was talking about how he didn't feel like he was living the same kind of life his friends are living. Like he hasn't grown up yet (my words not his). And it resonated deep within me. I don't quite feel all grown up. I look around at my life and feel like I am still young and am not quite sure what I am doing with 3 kids to raise and a husband! Whoa! Hold up! What happened to the dream life where it is all fun and games, cartoons, and happiness all the time? When is there going to be someone bigger than me to pick up the pieces of the life that I am not so sure I won't drop and break into a million pieces.
When do I start to feel confidant and secure and feel like I can share some advice with another adult and feel like they are my equal and not far superior to me and "what in the world would I have to say that they don't know already?" When can I think about things like life insurance or household repairs and think that I am doing what I should be doing. Not feel like somehow someone has dropped me into this life....I am not quite ready to do it...not quite sure that I can get it right.
Do all adults end their lives feeling like they are living at super speed. Like they aren't through with the last stage before the next comes rumbling by? I know that for me at least, I hope to at least end my life in some sort of "adultish" state.
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