Missing

Right around this time in our lives, if things had gone just a little bit different with Anakin, he would be here right now. There is a lovely, joyful, exhausting chaos that we are missing.

It is a weird feeling to be thankful that there isn't even the least bit more chaos to add to our family of 13, and at the same time mourn the loss of it.

There are moments when I truly don't think about loosing him. And then there are times when it hits me and hurts so badly, I just want to curl up in a ball and scream and cry for a few hours. Time constraints prevent me from the latter, and that is a good thing.

I see my children interact with the little baby that our neighbor houseparents have (she is just now getting to the size that Aidan and Alora were at birth: 6lbs 6oz). It is so heartwarming to see my girls cuddle her in their arms and rock her and look down into her tiny face with love. It is easy to look at that bundle of pink and imagine her a bundle of blue...the little brother that was so loved and wanted.

Anakin Timothy, you are missed and loved and in our hearts forever. I cherish the thought of meeting you again one day and getting to know the you that we only barely glimpsed in this life but will be with forever in the next.

Double Digits

Adam is the big 33. So old! HEHEHE



He celebrated his birthday on Sunday and we just did a little something here at the house. I haven't had the opportunity to go anywhere to get him a gift, so he will just have to wait on that part. Or, we might just forget about it until next year, since we really don't have the money for any extras right now anyway.



I made a Salad Dressing cake for him on Saturday so it would have a day to sit and soak up the frosting. I think it turned out ok. It isn't a pretty cake, and the cake part, nor the frosting are very good on their own, so it is hard to tell until you eat it how good it is, or isn't. Apparently it dates back to the depression years when you couldn't get milk and eggs readily, so you use salad dressing (Miracle Whip) in place of eggs or milk. The frosting is pretty much your average powdered sugar icing, with coffee as the liquid. Kind of a weird assortment of ingredients when you see them on paper, and not a good looking cake, but it is one of the only cakes that Adam likes, and so I threw it together for him and he was VERY appreciative! He was surprised that I had made it for him...I make the kids' cakes each year, but not usually one for him.



We have a lease to own situation in the works for our house. It isn't ideal, but it is better than foreclosure at least for now. I hope that all turns out well. Right now he has a year to buy with all his monies going toward the full asking price if he decides to buy. Hopefully he will buy in the next few months like he says is his plan, and that would be great, as we would get our full asking price and that would be so awesome, even if we have to wait a month or so before it happens.

The View from the Porch

When things are a bit crazy in the house and I just need some fresh air, at least this is the view of God's glory that I have been blessed to behold.

The grass in front is the front yard, then you can see the road that goes in front of the two houses here on campus, (the other home and the basketball court would be to the right). Then you can make out the field and the "barn". There is a patch of red clay in the background too, and that is part of the ball field.

Pray for the sell!

We have a few people interested in our house again. There are several issues with one of the people interested, but he is wanting to do something quick, so that might be a good thing. The other is a couple and we haven't really had an offer yet, but the realtor thinks that they will have one soon. Please pray for this...we are. I know that we REALLY need this to happen this month.

A quiet weekend?

It's sort of funny to me how things work out sometimes. I can remember talking with my girlfriends about wishing that my family sat down for meals more and all ate at the table instead of doing the TV tray thing in the living room so much, or that I always "made" dinner, instead of eating out or getting something take out. Well, I certainly do that now. There are almost no meals that we don't cook and we always eat at the table. 13 TV trays wouldn't exactly work, and I would hate to see the mess anyway! On Friday nights we try to get pizza from Little Caesar's, as we can get enough pizza for all of us for about $25 and, I am not so sure some of my meals don't exceed that amount.

I also remember thinking how nice it would be to have Adam home more. And, here we are, with him home all the time, unless he is running to get a pick-up or something of that sort. I think it has been good for us, and we are actually fighting less. You know, those meaningless arguments that you are so angry about, but you can't quite remember what they were about the next day. And you might not even know what they are about while you are having them. They still happen, but, I think because we have to support each other so much and be there for each other, they happen a lot less. It is nice to know that we work so well as a team and that we aren't getting upset with each other much with the stress of the job.

Our house is full for the first time since we got here. It is kind of crazy to think of a house of 13 people. I will have to get used to counting to 13 instead of 12. Our new boy has been really quiet so far, so I am not quite sure how he is going to fit into the mix. There is a bit (or a lot) of a pecking order for the boys. The top and the bottom are pretty firmly in place, but the middle mixes up a bit. I have a feeling the new boy will be somewhere near the top...especially if he remains somewhat quiet.

We were able to run up to Hendersonville last night to meet my parents at Binion's Roadhouse. We all got steak except the kids, and it was so good. I don't always order steak at place like that but every once in a while I do. I love some steak when I am in the mood and when it is good steak it is so nice! Aidan got his birthday present from my parents and it was a hit. It was more cars, not that he needs more, but he loves them. She had gotten him some corvettes from Poppa and some mustangs from Mimi. There is also a race track thing too...he loves it and so do Alora and Aralyn. Aralyn was putting a car at the top and when it would fly down the track and around the loop-the-loop, she would yell, "Yay! I win! I win!" It was so cute. He was so sweet in letting them use his new toy right out of the box! Several of the boys in the house think it is pretty cool too. I think they will all want their turn.

This weekend some of the boys are heading home for visits. Should be a fairly quiet time, with just our 3 and 3 of them. I know that we have to be at the auction on Saturday night, so that should fill up the weekend, if we come up with something to do early on Saturday.

I do know that I need to get started on our weekend paper work. There really isn't too much of it, but there is a new boy, so I have to add a file for him on the computer and it will take that much longer to do with one more set of paperwork to get done.

Things are going pretty well...just super busy and never a break from it.

SEVEN!

Happy Birthday, Aidan! He was able to pick out a new Star Wars toy for his birthday and it is his favorite toy right now. I think that it has spurred a new love of Legos! He is really into them and has dragged out a large bin of them that we have had for a while. They were handed down to us and he really wasn't all that interested in them until after his Star Wars toy. He will go off into his room for a while and come back with "ships" and things that he has built. He will tell me that he has either an even number or odd number of ships, depending on how many he has made. It is so fun to watch him explore in this new building. It was a great present!

We had our time off during his birthday and I didn't have access to my cake making stuff. I had to improvise at the last minute to make his cake. I was able to make a batman cake with some decorations that I was able to purchase in the bakery at the local grocery store. It turned out OK, not what I would have done if I had had the time and supplies to do it right, but then I wasn't sure that I would be able to find any ideas for a Batman cake like he requested since this isn't a "Batman is the big thing" time. I only had luck finding things for Spiderman and Spongebob.

He told me after his cake was made...."Momma, even if I didn't have my new Star Wars toy or my other presents, (which were still wrapped and he had no idea what they were) I would think that my cake was enough present for me. Just my cake is enough for my birthday!" I was so touched, since I was already worried and disappointed in his cake. He was so loving and sincere. I hugged him and asked, "Do you know how sweet you are?" to which he replied, "No." And I think he was being quite honest. I was so proud of him for thinking that, knowing how much he loved his new toy and knowing that he was really excited about his other presents. It was very sweet! And sort of sad, that he has gotten to the maturity level that he would say, and mean, that sort of thing.

Happy 7th, Aidan! I sure do love you! You make me proud to be a Momma and thankful for my sweet, first baby!

Watermelon summer

This is what eating watermelon is all about! Having fun and getting messy! The girls enjoyed eating this watermelon from the garden on our porch a few weeks ago. It was so warm outside that the camera fogged up and I thought the picture looked cool anyway, so that is why it looks so foggy. Make sure you notice the beautiful mountains in the background.

Ugggh!

I still haven't gotten around to asking how much of the confidentiality factor will play into what I can and can't say about the house here. I will be vague for now and hope I don't cross any lines.

So far so good. I guess. We have had some pretty major issues with several of the boys. I think there are lots of things leading to the issues that we are experiencing. I know that with us coming and other houseparents going, that was a major change for them. We have different rules, habits, ways we want things done, etc. and they are bucking under that somewhat. Also, summer was over and school starting and that is always a hairy situation, even if there aren't 12 people living under the same roof. Lots of changes and these boys isn't exactly the best mix.

So, we have come through several things so far...learned a lot, and at the same time, realized that there is no way for us to always know what to do. There is so much more for us to learn. It never ends.

We have had lots of training so far. Training on the houseparents' jobs, CPR, first aid, and Nonviolent Crisis Intervention. We have been prepared for the chairman of the board to do his annual campus walk-through/inspection, we did okay for that. We now have to be prepared for Medicaid to do their inspection sometime this month (supposedly) and for a new boy to come sometime this week.

We have been doing major cleaning...I would call it spring cleaning, but it is like no spring cleaning I have ever done! We have been through the attic and the kitchen and thrown out some trash and broken items and put things in places that make more sense to Adam and me. No one else can organize your house the way that you would, so we are going through the house and putting things in the places that we prefer for them to be. It is a big job. We have replaced toilet seats and shower curtains, blinds, and light bulbs. It is never ending. Sometime this week I have to inspect the mattresses and sheets and write up a report. We also need to clean out a small storage room off the garage to make room for some tools that need to be put there. All of this while keeping the house 15 minutes from clean, getting Aidan's school work done, getting 7 boys off to school on time and picked up from various things in the afternoon, having dinner ready as close to 6:00 as possible, and taking care of our three children. To say the least, we are kept busy.

I keep hoping that "after this" we will be less busy and settle in to a smoother routine, but it hasn't happened yet. I have thank you notes and birthday cards that I haven't sent out yet, I have family and friends who don't have our new phone number or address, and I have bills that I am not sure are getting paid, if they aren't getting forwarded here.

Our house still hasn't sold. We so need this to happen quickly and get a descent offer. We got one offer for $40,000 less than our asking price. We didn't take it, and now I am beginning to wonder if that might have been a bad idea...even though it would hurt to take an offer that low. So far we have had several couples/ people interested, but nothing has happened yet. Hopefully we will get the call we have been waiting for from our realtor this month so we can let go of that bit of stress. Right now we have been dipping into our little bit of savings to pay everything, but I am not sure when that becomes a non issue. Since we have a house, that payment might be the first to go. I pray that it won't come to that, but I have to be prepared for it to happen if our house doesn't sell.

Aidan just turned 7 and he is getting so big. He is so sweet also. We let him pick out one of his presents this year and he is in love with it. A few days after his birthday we had his little family party and I decorated his cake. He was excited about his Batman decorations and came up to me and told me "Momma, if all I had was my birthday cake and no presents, that would be enough present for me. The cake is enough for me!" I just hugged him and smiled at him...it was so sweet.

Alora is adjusting pretty well to our new house. She is yelling a bit more than she was, and we are working with her, but it is slow going. The boys are loud and obnoxious sometimes and she is just struggling with that a bit. Hopefully they will settle down and she will too. She is really loving to most of them and loves them. And they seem to love all our children.

Aralyn is doing pretty well. She is in the potty training stages and it is good most days and others it is so bad. She tries really hard, and sometimes, I think we are just not understanding her and miss her cues. I think it won't be long before she is potty trained though and I look forward to not spending money on diapering her.

That is a really long update, but at least I did it. Please pray for us and for our house to sell...if that could happen it would be so great! I know that we have lots of people on our own prayer list, they are being uplifted daily even if we haven't had the time to call them and write them to let them know how much we have them in our thoughts and prayers. Prayer is a mighty powerful thing! God is awesome!