I Can Row the Boat Ashore!

Seeing as how Aidan is really very proud of himself most of the time, the fact that he has Michael Row the Boat Ashore turned into a song about himself isn't all that surprising. He is constantly telling us that he is a really strong/fast/smart boy. Or telling us that he is Super Aidan (akin to Spiderman or Superman) and whatever I ask him to do can be done, because of this title. It is wonderful to see his belief in himself.

Adam and I don't like to hear him say "I can't" and we try to have him re-word/re-think what he said to a more "true" statement if we hear him say it. Just last night we had a thunderstorm roll through here. (Actually it seems to be a nightly thing what with all these hurricanes sending their rains up here.) Aidan doesn't like thunder and lightening. He thinks the sound of thunder is scary, he thinks the light is scary, he just thinks the whole thing is scary. When he is scared he can work himself into quite a little ball of nerves and become incapable of processing his thoughts properly. His room is right near the front living room. With the light from the front living room on you can easily navigate his bedroom without turning on the light...and you can definitely see well enough to go into the room and turn on the light. After getting home from the last night of VBS last night we told him to go put his shoes in his closet and put on his pjs. Because of the storm he started telling us he was scared and he couldn't go to his room. We couldn't get past his fear of the storm to explain to him that there was nothing to fear while we were in the house together, and just to turn his light on and his room wouldn't be scary any more. He went into panic mode. He couldn't get beyond the fear to a place where he could listen to us.

I know sometimes I am in panic mode. Sometimes the fear that I am doing it all wrong is just so overwhelming. I know that there are great consequences to not choosing God. Hell is one scary place. My light switch is realizing that while the way is narrow and straight, God is merciful and full of grace and compassion for His children. He wants us to join Him in heaven. I know that Aidan's light will come on and his room won't be scary any more, that we are right behind him and that we will prevent anything bad from happening to him. God does the same for us. He is the light and with Jesus as our example and the Spirit to guide us we have no reason to be afraid. May I always remember that, not live in panic mode, and always hear the voice of God telling me that there is nothing to fear. I am Super Alissa with God on my side.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far...

Alora is just like me! She is bossy and stubborn and just a little ham! We have been attending a local VBS and each night at cookie time she has this one couple laughing their heads off. The husband is fighting ALS and he just thinks Alora is the cutest thing (in her fits and tantrums as well as her smiles and jokes), she loves older men and, I think she finds his wheel chair to be really cool too!

With every pout, foot stomp, whine, laugh, and flirtation she has, I am reminded of my youth and stories from my family about my own budding personality. My grandmother tells of my running to my Papaw's (great-grandfather's) lap to avoid the inevitable, and probably much deserved, spanking that she was about to give to me. I knew he would try to save me from a punishment and plead my case, whether I had one or not. Alora is just like me, she has her favorite pouts and sayings to get out of a punishment, her latest ones being "don't yell at me, just talk to me" when anyone uses a stern voice and "No, I don't want to".

I sometimes am blown away thinking how much like her, I am. Not that I stomp my foot and cry when I don't get my way, I might get some funny stares and my husband might think there was something wrong with me! But, with God, my heart sometimes wants to whine and stamp its foot and get its way. God knows best for me and sometimes I hear what He has to say and then tell Him "Don't yell at me!" or "I don't want to and you can't make me!" Just like I can't make Alora take her nap (I can just keep her in the bed and hope she wears herself out), God can't make me do what I know is right. I am sure that He is frustrated with me, thinking, "I know what is best for you, I know what you want is not what you need." Just as I know that Alora will be a cute little girl with a monster of an attitude if she doesn't get a nap, God knows that the innocent spirit he gave me will be full of nothing that resembles that fruit of the Spirit if I don't do as He has asked.

I don't think I fully grasped the fullness of God's love for me until I had children. There is just this great love that I have for my children that I compare to the even greater love God has for us, and I am floored with the reality that His love for us is so strong and pure and un-failing. It is just so awesome.

I pray that each time I struggle with my children I am reminded of my struggles with God. Just as I want my children to respect and love me and obey me without question, I know that God desires the same thing of all His children. I pray for God to soften me and allow me to be molded into what He has planned for me to be. May this happen and my children see it and may they grow up to be just like me, a Child of God.

Isn't it Ironic?

When I was in high school I had waist-length, long, brunette hair. I played on the girls' soccer team and during practice we would sometimes have these groupies just hang around and watch us. Well, they were really just a bunch of guys with nothing better to do than hang around and flirt with the girls on the team. They had nicknames for all of us and mine was Alanis Morisette. I don't really think anything but my hair looked much like her, but they all said that is who I looked like. So, isn't it Ironic that I am thinking of that song today? Well, maybe not so Ironic....

Today is one of Those days. You know the ones...if you are a mother you know TOO well what I mean. The day when you have a ton of house work to do. So, you get to it early in the morning...folding clothes, washing some more, cleaning up the bathroom, you know, the whole works. And what could go wrong? Well, glad you asked. Where to start? The almost 5 year old keeps pushing the 2 year old cause she keeps taking the train tracks that he is playing with causing the 2 year old to scream and run away with a confiscated track to shelter under my arms that happen to be rocking the 6 week old back to sleep for the millionth time. And that is just the beginning. All day has been a day for playing referee and I just don't have the patience for it today. Lunch wasn't what we wanted to eat of course and nap time wasn't wanted either. At 4:30 (after only 2.5 hours of crying and begging...me of course) Aidan and Alora are finally asleep.

Aralyn is now waking up, and it seems like nothing has gotten done. I still have tons of things to do to get the house ready for an early morning visit from our midwife for my 6 week check-up. If I wasn't thinking of going out of town to visit my parents next week I would seriously consider re-scheduling the whole thing.

Adam rushed out to get Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince at Wal-mart on Saturday morning. I had meant to order it, but glad in lots of ways that I didn't. We didn't have to wait for it to be delivered, and it was less than $16. So, we have been taking turns reading it and since I have more "free" time I finished it first. I loved it and am looking forward to Adam being done, so we can discuss it a bit. So, what to read now?

Dare to Discipline is on the shelf, and I have never read it, so I get it down to read. Today is my first day reading it...the day of every mother's nightmares. Wow! Do I need this book or what? Ironic that the worst day I have had with the kids in quite a while happens to be the same day that I start this book? Maybe I can get it read in just 3 days like the Potter book.

I am really looking forward to reading it, as we have a few struggles with Alora that we haven't been able to "fix" with anything that we have tried and been successful with before. It is frustrating as a parent. I know that we have a 6 week old baby in the house, and potty training has been going on for a while and there are just lots of changes for her, but we need to curb the behavior and find out what works for us and for her to do that. Maybe this book is God's answer to that; I can only hope and pray that if it isn't that something else will come along and it will be.

May God give Adam and I the knowledge and the strength and probably most of all the consistency to find what works, not just for Alora right now, but for all of our children, for today and everyday that we have with them.

13 hours of labor!!!!

Wow! 13 hours! But only if you add all my labors together. The first was just about 2 hours, the second was about 6 and this last one (just 6 weeks ago) was about 5. I don't labor like a normal woman apparently. Not the only odd thing about me, but one of them.

This last labor was a doosie. I don't know if it really was my hardest labor or not, or if I just haven't had the opportunity for time to erase the memories sufficiently enough for me to look back and remember just the good parts. It was a very intense 5 or so hours and well worth every minute, but I am still in a bit of shock after it.

God is so amazing in the way He brings forth new life...I am still fascinated when I see seeds germinating and sprouting their first leaves. I can't even keep my one houseplant alive...and God made everything! His great power and love is a part of every new life and I am so unable to grasp the full wonder of what my body has done three times in bringing forth these wonderful babies. With each child there is a joy that grows within my heart...but also a fear and deep sense of responsibility that I am not so sure I am fully ready to take on...too late now huh?

Of course there is joy when the baby is born. With this last one I was just so glad for the labor to be over and the pain to be lessened that joy was there just for that. Also, to look into the face of another blessing from God, that is so innocent and full of promise is just awe inspiring. I love seeing my children look at their new baby sister and just can't wait to see how they will interact as they grow. I also love to see my husband with another little baby on his chest, to see him become this happy, sentimental person as a new life enters our family and observe as she dances her way into his heart and find her place there, as she does in mine.

But the fear...it grows with each child. Not so much the fear of dropping this tiny child, or cutting her little fingers when I cut her nails, or the other kids accidentally hurting her as the fight to be the one that gets to sing a song to her or read her a book. All of these are fears that I have...I actually cried myself to sleep recently when, while we were getting ready for bed, Alora hurt herself. It turned out to not be nearly as bad as I was thinking at first, but I saw the blood and panicked. I just couldn't imagine what I would have done had it been worse. How any mother and father can carry on in a normal way after a tragedy is beyond me, I don't want to find out from personal experience, although I am sure that God will give me the courage and the strength to make it through no matter what happens.

The fear I have is much bigger and has bigger consequences than all that. How can I, who have made so many mistakes and blunders and keep making them, be handed such a sweet, innocent thing and be expected to help lead it into a God-fearing, God-loving, compassionate life. It's like I am covered in mud and someone hands me a child that I am supposed to keep clean. How can I? I am filthy, unworthy to even look on such an innocent thing much less touch it and hold it and teach it.

I have this great responsibility to love my husband and interact with him in a way that will inspire my children, even when I have to pick up his dirty clothes from beside the hamper and place them inside...again. I have to discipline my children in a way that they will learn and grow from and become self-disciplined, help them to learn to love God and speak His love to others through their lives...and I don't know that I can do these things. Talk about the blind leading the blind! It is just scary around here.

Right now our concerns are getting Alora to sit still and quiet while we worship with the church family. To keep Aidan from commenting so loudly on things (like not saying "keep the change" when he places his nickels and dimes into the collection plate...yes, it happened) and trying to answer his questions about heaven and God and Jesus. I know it will get more and more complicated and I dread it!

I sometimes think that they should be teaching us. Just this week we found a stray puppy in our yard. We told Aidan that it was sick and hungry, as we could see all of her ribs and she was very weak. We were getting her something to eat from the kitchen (cream of chicken soup and Vienna sausages work well when you don't have any dog food) and Aidan comes to us to tell us that God is going to make the puppy better cause he prayed and told God too. What faith! He fully believed that God was going to heal this puppy all because he prayed about it. It is times like that that I am completely humbled and ashamed to call myself a believer. I sometimes wonder how much smaller than a mustard seed my faith might be. It is so small sometimes and then times like that when my not even 5 year old son surpasses me in his faith.

Those 13 hours of labor were only the beginning. Now the hard part starts, where, as I continue to grow and walk in the path of light, I am to lead these 3 children who depend on me to give them a firm foundation. It is comforting to know that God trusts me with His children and lets me call them my own for a few short years. It is also comforting to know that I have a wonderful man that will help me lead them and hold my hand all the way. I know that the years to come will be full of more joy and more fear, but that with God and Adam on my side that we will get there. I may fall some n the way...and Lord knows that I will make mistakes, but He will be there to lift me from the mud clean me off and hold me in His hand when I can't walk on my own. All the love that I have for my children is so inferior to the love that God has for them, so He will guide us on our way and with Him the joy can be so much greater than I ever thought possible and the fear can be so much less.

All Dressed Up

Well, why would a stay-at-home mother (I prefer domestic engineer) have herself and her three children dressed well enough to head to church on a Sunday morning just for a trip to the bank and to grab lunch? I don't know either. I guess it started last night.

My husband, Adam and I used to attend a church in a neighboring town. We were members there for about 5 years and love everyone there. They were all kind enough to throw a "Welcome Baby Tea" in honor of the birth of our 3rd baby. So, last night was the night and we came home with lots of presents, some of which were cute little outfits of course.

Aralyn (5 weeks old) just had to wear a new outfit (so says Aidan who is almost 5 years old going on about 25!) Aralyn received a lovely little pink and white sundress and that was the outfit of choice. One child dressed and ready to go...Check.

Alora (our very dramatic and emotional 2 year old) then went with me to pick out her outfit. She has been begging to wear her "pretty, white dress" for several days now. Her "pretty, white dress" is a Sarah Louise smocked dress that she actually wore for Easter last year, but amazingly it still fits her. I have been meaning to put it away so that the sleeves won't get stretched out and her little sister can hopefully wear it too. But, since it is still hanging in the closet, she pointed to it and said that was the outfit she wanted. I was able to talk her out of it and into a much simpler (but still somewhat dressy for a bank trip) "pretty, pink dress". Add to it her white "church" shoes since she cried when I mentioned wearing her sandals and we are even more dressed up. So second child -dressed way too fancy for a short errand....Check.

Now, for Aidan, the 4 year old who will be turning 5 much too soon for my tastes on September 11th. Favorite color: Red. Favorite clothing: Jeans. So, he has dressed himself in a pair of jeans (would have been ok except for the hot and humid weather that I hate here in SC) and a red shirt that is a good size too big. The shirt is a size 5, but was bought in the boys section of the store and for some reason the 5 there is about 3 sizes bigger than the size 4 in the little boy/infant/toddler section. Who knows why the stores want our 4 and 5 year old little boys to look like raggamuffins, but they all do it, so maybe there is a reason?! I got him undressed again and proceeded to try to talk him into a better suited outfit...And may as well dress up, everyone else is (sibling pressure). He then comments on whether the outfits I am showing him are "sassy" or "geeky" words he has learned from Zidgel on 3-2-1 Penquins. As we all know Zidgel will be taking the place of one of the hosts of What Not to Wear any day now. So we find a nice "geeky" polo shirt and some "geeky" shorts to match and add some "geeky" sandals and ....Check.

I put on a skirt and shirt (which is fancy for me, since I am usually in a tee shirt and jeans or shorts) and off we go, dressed in what would amount to our Sunday best and go to pick up Adam's check and head to the bank. After a trip through the drive through window (didn't even go in to show off our duds) we head to pick up Adam and go to lunch at the local Mexican restaurant.

Aralyn starts to break out...Face and arm. Could it be her new dress, that I didn't wash before I let her wear? I know, I know, bad mother, but after your 3rd kid you get a bit slack about things. I should have washed it, and now maybe it is the cause of her rash? Or it could be the hot and humid weather....Who knows, but as soon as we get home the outfit is coming off. 1st child to be de-fancified....Check

Alora, of course, got salsa all down the front of her "pretty, pink dress", so it was removed as soon as possible too. Why is it that when she is in play clothes she doesn't get the least bit dirty?!? She finds her favorite nightshirt and puts it on herself...inside out and all, but she is so proud, so I left it that way. Anyway...second child to de-fancify...Check.

Aidan.....Apparently "geeky" isn't what we are looking for, we want "cool" so he strips down and puts on his "cooler" dinosaur pjs so he can be a special superhero. (PJs are the latest fashion trend for superheroes.) Third child....Check.

Even my special clothing doesn't last long. After a few nursings and a few good burps by Aralyn the shirt needs to be removed. It and the skirt are replaced by some comfortable pjs (Would calling it lounge wear make me seem like less of a slacker?). So, here we are back to normal. I figured it was fun while it lasted, but I must admit is easier to do all the things that I need to do without worrying about my skirt or my shirt and all, and being superheroes must be easier in the pjs that Aidan and Alora picked out. Aralyn, could probably care less, but since I put her in a nice soft footed sleeper and she is sleeping so well, maybe she likes the dressed down look too.

I don't really know why we got all dressed up today. But, I do know that I now have some laundry to do (and like all stay-at-home moms there is never enough, right?).